It is day 5…of cycle 4.  I’ve surprised myself with this one and done pretty well, well all things considered… That is until the wheels in my amazing Robbie’s head seem to spin faster than I could keep up with.  It was not his intuition that shocked me, that child has a wise and deep soul, it was the seeming first signs that the devil had dared etch away at his innocence and security right before my eyes.  The news reports celebrated the visionary – – a great man who truly made a difference leaving the world a better place (I agree, I am as faithful an fruit lover as there ever was – if my house were burning, after my family and camera – my apples would be next!).  They lauded Jobs as something of a miracle, if not for his accomplishments, for beating back cancer longer than he should have been able to.  Really?  REALLY?  Seven years is good enough?  R-E-A-L-L-Y?  We can do better, I’m certain of it.  Instead of attacking one another, judging one another, we could cure diseases like cancer.  Imagine them apples???!!!  Sigh.    Ok…I’m climbing down from the soapbox.  But not all the way, because in 23 seconds, someone else will have the ground fall out from under them and be diagnosed.  And tonight another son will ask an equally painful question and another mother will cry herself to sleep with painful what-if fears.

On a happier note, in the spirit of that which doesn’t actually kill you really makes you stronger [read saves your life], I had my first cardiac evaluation since starting the wonder juice.  Remember, arguably the most important drug I am taking is also the one that is cardiotoxic.  Phooey on that, however, my heart is figuratively and literally, in perfect and very happy form!  And thanks to said great test results, the the good chemo fairy princess has granted me another three months!  WOOT!

OK, now consider yourself in a time warp of sorts, I started this entry a few days ago.  If only days 6 – 8 had really passed that quickly and painlessly, but they did pass and here I sit pretty [read ugly] on the fine side of cycle 4!  I will put off the rest of my thoughts from that day for another time in order to do some brief public shouting of a different kind.

Here is an entry from the guestbook,

“Whether you like it or not, you are an inspiration to so many (with me being one of the so many).  Because of you, I have made the effort to raise money for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.  With a goal of $2,000, cancer is probably not too concerned by my efforts.  But, every little bit counts..and every little bit is leading us closer to a cancer-free world.  Did you know that, because of research, 14% less cancer deaths have occurred from 1991 – 2005.  Just imagine what this number will look like in another 5 or 10 or 15 years.  The world is improving…and the world owes you a lot of credit.  Without sounding too over-the-top cheesy, thank you for sharing…thank you for being you…and thank you for being such an inspiration to us all!! “

WOW!  You rock Cools, and just so the rest of you know, he ran a marathon this past weekend in part in our honor.  On top of it being hugely humbling, it is proof positive how we can make a difference.  More personally, I have to shout out to him and all of Jason’s college friends [read life long amazing men] and their families who have been amongst the most supportive in our ordeal.  I can’t imagine why a group of guys would show such love to their friend’s wife [read Jason really is that good of a man and deserves it], but I sure am grateful for you all.   And my friends are no different.  Laura rode the PMC with my picture on her handlebars, many of you are walking with us this weekend… All of our friends, you all continue to feed us, help us, and love us.  One day [read when I can without being a blubbering fool], I will tell the world all the ways WE survived Cancer because of our friends and family. Our lives are richer because of you all.

You all know that I was raised in one of those villages of sorts with lots of Aunts that made my life rich with family.  What I haven’t shared is that one of my Aunts was also recently diagnosed with BC.  Tonight, on the eve of surgery, my loudest shout is across the country to her as a very public reminder of her strength and courage as she joins this awful war.  Tomorrow she will become a survivor who HAD BC.  But tonight my heart aches knowing a little about what she feels.  You are a strong beautiful woman who is loved by all who know you.  And while you are putting your faith in skilled surgeons hands, they can’t fix all of the hurt they will inflict, can they?  But not your wonderful children, perfect grandchildren, devoted husband, or countless friends across the country who will be holding their breath tomorrow care about body parts.  And neither will you when you realize that YOUR cure gives you 30+ years with us all.  G-dspeed and easy healing beautiful girl.

Tonight my thoughts are with her, and all those in the world, touched by Cancer’s barbed and unfair hand.

Much love,
jodi